As hard as I try not to feel like one of those cartoon characters walking around with a cloud over my head, it’s pretty hard not to. There are daily reminders of the multiple stresses in my life and I can’t seem to hold onto what I know is all that matters: the present.
I consider myself a positive person. I know that dwelling on the past is useless. I’ve gotten pretty good at avoiding a worrisome outlook. I believe wholeheartedly that bad things must happen in order for us to appreciate the good.
- I used to think that my father’s brain injury was all about anxiety.
- I used to think that my brother’s death made me feel guilty.
- So, when the third bomb hit and we had to give up our dog after only six months with her, I realized that all three of these major life events can all go under the same category…
In a sense, I lost my father to medical malpractice. Yes, he is physically still with us, but so much was taken from him. And it’s just horrible.
I lost my brother to alcoholism. He is gone. Forever. And I am so sad.
I lost Savannah to unforeseen circumstances. I was her person and the house feels empty without her.
So, here I am, with three losses on a loop, never having the chance to recover from one before the next came along; being reminded every day of what my father lost; haunted by the words my sister spoke into the phone when my brother died; wondering why Savannah isn’t following me up and down the stairs.
Here’s what I tell myself and anyone else out there who needs it:
1.) Feel what you feel. Be sad, angry, frustrated, pissed at the world…whatever you want. Cry. Cry a lot. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing. Cry if you need to. Don’t you dare hold it in.
2.) Eliminate things and people that don’t serve you. You’ve got enough on your heart. Say no. Walk away. Purge. And then, don’t feel the need to explain. Nobody needs to know. Make choices that work for you and be done with it.
3.) Try not to feel like you are just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. This is not Karma. This is just life. It’s all good, even if it’s bad.
4.) NEVER apologize for feeling like you do. Feel it. Embrace it. Own it.
5.) Dig deep and find the positive, inspirational, life-altering lessons from this experience. They are there for you if you are willing to see them.
6.) Ask for help. As much as you feel like crawling under a rock and avoiding the world, get out there and talk, listen, breathe, and connect. You are never alone.
To those who know me well, I give myself permission to break one of my own rules. I’m in the middle of this loop and swimming in sadness. Please forgive the unanswered calls, the cancelled plans, and the mood swings.
This is life right now. It is what it is. And I know I’ll be okay.
Blessings to all for a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year! Get ready to make 2017 a year of love, light, peace, and truth as we stand together as one. Thank you for the opportunity to share my inner most thoughts with you.
JOY TO THE WORLD!
Once a month, I will do something I’ve been dreaming about for almost four years. I will open my back patio to mamas who want to do yoga. I will provide a baby sitter. And I will serve mimosas.
These are photos from my very first one. Thank you to Becca and Sonya for joining me. Even little Adelaide came along and sweetly slept in her stroller while mama relaxed, rejuvenated, and restored.
This is important to me. This is part of my mission as Shanti Mom. To provide free yoga to moms in a beautiful space with child care, if needed. They need this. I know they need this. I need this.
The next one is December 7th at 9:30 am.
This famous phrase, One for All and All for One!, from The Three Musketeers, inspired my choice for the name of my new business. Shanti Mom has been my code name for about 5 years. That came easily when I was pregnant with my one and only child and regularly practicing yoga. Shanti, in Sanskrit, the language of yoga, means peace. My goal was to be a peaceful first time mom at the age of 44. I’ve done a fairly good job of that. There have been bumps – big ones and small ones – but the journey has been interesting.
Shanti Mom for One has a two-fold meaning.
1.) Always my priority, I am the mother of one beautiful, intelligent, spirited, and open-hearted 4 year old girl named Emma Grace. She is the center of my life. I have slowly learned to balance motherhood with a business and I want to help other moms do the same – peacefully.
2.) I live my life as best as I can with the belief that we are all one under our higher spirit. I convey this often in a Hindu prayer at the conclusion of my yoga class:
Shanti, Shanti, Shanti.
Peace. Peace. Peace.
I honor you in the place in which the whole universe dwells.
I honor you in a place of love, light, peace, and truth.
When you are in that place in you
And I am in that place in me,
We are one.
Namaste means, I bow to you.
I speak these words to a wide range of people – all ages, races, ethnicities, abilities – but I speak it most genuinely to other moms, especially new moms. Because I am one of them, I am one with them. I have a great deal of respect for them. I want to honor and celebrate them through my talents and abilities as an Author, Artist, and Educator.
On this site, you will learn about the three components of my business and get a first hand accounting of how it all came together under one umbrella. I’ve never been the type to do just one thing, live in one place, or have just one job. My father told me something when I was just out of college, working a few part time jobs. He said, “This is really perfect for you. I picture you doing lots of different things.” He was spot on. But what I did have to do was organize it all – discover the inspiration and intention for it all – make sure that it aligns with my life and brings me joy. And I had to wait until I felt confident enough as Emma’s mother to step out of the mommy box to accomplish it. I stepped out and didn’t fall down. So here I am to tell you about it.