Behind the Scenes of My New Book, ‘She Waited For Me’

It’s been slow going, but book two is in the works. Here is a behind the scenes look at my possible introduction. Right now, I’m just writing, not worrying about the way it all comes together. There are certainly typos, for sure. Not paying attention to that either. Thanks for reading.

Introduction

Never say never. Really. It’s not possible for something to never happen. People will argue until their faces are blue against this point. But I know this. Never, never happens.

This was true when I shocked myself with an instant change of heart in the Fall of 2010. Jeff and I had been married only since May of that year and we were already talking to a fertility specialist. We were in our early forties and pretty darn sure nature wouldn’t take its course all that easily. We had yet to find out how difficult it would be.

For years, to myself, family, friends, and other not-so-potential husbands, I had stuck to my standard line. I will never go through fertility. Why would I spend money to make a child? Why would I pump my body with hormones? Why would I use a petri dish to create a child when there are millions of children out there who need parents? Why not just find one who’s already here looking for love, a home, a family? No. We will adopt. End of story.

My husband had one simple thing to say and that was it. My never turned into okay, I’ll do it. Just like that. He wanted a child from him. From his DNA. He wanted a child to look like him. He knew that my reach for adoption would have been the world! No color, race, ethnicity was off the table. But that wasn’t for him. And I respected that. In just a moment, my adamant desire was relinquished and we were heading into fertility testing.

Forever etched into my mind is the symbol at the bottom of my long list of tests, numbers, and foreign vocabulary.

< .01

Do you see what that says? Less than 1%. These were our chances for conceiving a baby through natural methods. Ha! It was laughable; however, I don’t recall laughing. We certainly knew it would be low, but this was ridiculous! What the hell do we do now?

We look at the options. And we look at them from the least to the most invasive. All the least invasive were skipped over quickly. My eggs were goners. I was 42. No shocker there. So, trying to pump my body with medication to get my eggs to wake up and do their job was futile. Again, we were given the percentages and they sucked. In addition, Jeff’s sperm count was inconsistent. Not bad. Not really the problem at hand. Just not steady enough to pick up the slack.

Our very best chance was In Vitro Fertilization with a Donor Egg. And even with that, our chance for conceiving was only 60%. But by the time we went through all our other options, ranging from 20%-50%, this one was looking damn good! It was going to cost us about $15,000. It was going to involve a great deal of time, patience, pain, and emotional upheaval. It would be the biggest and most daunting adventure of our lives. But it would work. I knew it would.  That certainty was my light at the end of the tunnel.

And Emma Grace is the light of our lives.

behind the scenes
Emma at about 4 months. One of my very favorite photos.

 

Facebook Asked, What’s On My Mind?

Facebook asks me, “What’s on your mind?”  Well, that’s pretty cool. It’s nice and open ended. Tonight, as I enjoy a hotel stay by myself on my way to a conference, I’d like to simply tell you what’s on my mind.

  • A headache is on my mind, but it should be gone soon. Bedtime will be early tonight.
  • My daughter and hubby are on my mind. I will miss them this weekend but hope they have lots of fun together. Facebook
  • Fundanoodle Fiesta is on my mind. This is the first ever National Sales Conference for Fundanoodle. It will be so much fun! We will learn how to grow our businesses by sharing ideas with each other and learning strategies from the experts. I have the honor of sharing a yoga practice on Sunday morning. We will explore postures for our Second Chakra and tap into our creative energy.Facebook
  • Two of my yoga students from this morning are on my mind. One of them is a friend of the women who contributed to my book, In So Many Words. We really connected and hope to work together on some yoga/healing work. The second one is a woman who had been out of class following knee replacement surgery. After class, I asked her how class felt. She said, “It was like coming home.” What an amazing response! Those words made my day!
  • Lots of SEO work on my websites is on my mind. Two experts in the field gave me some really good information about the importance of Search Engine Optimization and the best ways to implement it. Will be a lot of work, but not difficult.
  • And lastly, my very full belly is on my mind. But it won’t stop me from eating the chocolate covered raisins I bought at Cracker Barrell.

Peace out !

Childhood Memories for Cee’s Share Your World

Childhood Memories for Cee’s Share Your World

Do you prefer juice or fruit?

Admittedly, at times I prefer juice because it’s easier. If a fruit requires peeling, cutting, or coring, I will go for the juice. Fruit also has to be at it’s best point for me to eat it. Canteloupe is so yummy when perfectly ripe, but I never know until I eat it. Then, I’m either really disappointed or making yummy noises. So, orange, apple, and, occasionally, cranberry are my go to juices.

Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?

We moved around a lot when I was little, so bear with me…

I grew up (partially) in a small town on the south side of Chicago called Beverly. I loved it. We only stayed until I was six, but I remember walking to school, playing in the snow, and being envious of the Barbies the girl down the street had.

From there we moved to Lambertville, NJ. Another small town where we lived on the outskirts in the country. We had ducks, rabbits, cats, gerbils, and a Great Dane. My most vivid memory there is falling off my bike at the end of our steep driveway, face planting into the gravel. Youch!

Then we entered what my Dad calls, “The year of the turd.” All five children remember it with fondness. We moved in with my grandparents in the farm town of Ottawa, IL. All five kids slept in one room. I helped my Grampa feed the cows. We took truck and tractor rides. Our Gramma gave us “midnight” snacks like apple slices and raisins in a bowl made of tin foil. It was the best six months of my eight year life!

childhood

Then it was on to Barrington, IL. A little bit larger suburban area, in a brand new neighborhood. Honestly, I barely remember this place. We had the same Great Dane and when we walked her to the pond down the street, I always imagined the Lochness Monster emerging from the water. One of my three older brothers must have put that thought in my head.

Finally settling for the rest of my childhood, we moved to Great Falls, VA, a beautiful town in Northern, VA just outside of DC. I often dream about this house, the pool, our neighbor’s horses, the nearby park, our schools, parties I wasn’t supposed to have, etc. I adored this place. We stayed there from 1977 – 1987. Our Great Dane, Tia, died there at the age of 13. At age ten, I received a cat, Bojangles, for Christmas. He lived to age 21.  I was in college when my parents moved and I never properly said goodbye to this home. That’s why I return there in my dreams. It was my absolute favorite home full of treasured memories.

childhood

 

If you were to paint a picture of your childhood, what colors would you use?

Brown and Green for all of the country and farm land.

Yellow for the joy.

 

Ways to Relax List: Make a list of what relaxes you and helps you feel calm.

  • YOGA
  • Hanging with friends
  • Being with my daughter at bed time

Emma Grace Dances for the Weekly Photo Challenge

Emma Grace Dances for the Weekly Photo Challenge…

Weekly Photo Challenge: Graceful

When thinking of the word graceful, the photos from one of my music reviews in 2015 came to mind. My daughter is certainly not always graceful, but she has her beautiful moments and these were some of them.

This was before I enrolled her in dance class and it was evident right away that she would be drawn to music, movement, and theatrics. Now, she is in her second year of dance and I am seeing a great deal of natural talent. It makes my heart soar, as I was a dancer for 39 years. And I suppose it is no mistake that her middle name is Grace.

grace

Be Thankful Anyway

Be Thankful Anyway…

If I’m going to listen to anyone, it ought to be Mother Theresa. This day could find me feeling really sorry for myself.

My daughter is sick. She’s been sick for over a month now. A few days after we took her to the doctor, she actually got worse. She’ll be going back to the doctor tomorrow.

My husband is recovering from a back spasm. He literally couldn’t move Monday morning and was in bed for two days. He’s up and about now, but certainly not back to normal.

My in-laws can’t come here for Thanksgiving because my daughter is sick. My father in law is recovering from pneumonia and of course, his health can’t be compromised.

I am completely exhausted after having been on duty 24/7 since Monday morning. It’s what a mother does. It doesn’t matter to me what we do today. In fact, I think that turkey in the fridge should go to a homeless shelter.

This can be just like any other day, in my opinion. Any other day, I would be thankful anyway. And I am reminded of Mother Theresa’s suggestions.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

            If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

            If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

           If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

            What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

            If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

            The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

         Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

         In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.