Behind the Scenes of My New Book, ‘She Waited For Me’

It’s been slow going, but book two is in the works. Here is a behind the scenes look at my possible introduction. Right now, I’m just writing, not worrying about the way it all comes together. There are certainly typos, for sure. Not paying attention to that either. Thanks for reading.

Introduction

Never say never. Really. It’s not possible for something to never happen. People will argue until their faces are blue against this point. But I know this. Never, never happens.

This was true when I shocked myself with an instant change of heart in the Fall of 2010. Jeff and I had been married only since May of that year and we were already talking to a fertility specialist. We were in our early forties and pretty darn sure nature wouldn’t take its course all that easily. We had yet to find out how difficult it would be.

For years, to myself, family, friends, and other not-so-potential husbands, I had stuck to my standard line. I will never go through fertility. Why would I spend money to make a child? Why would I pump my body with hormones? Why would I use a petri dish to create a child when there are millions of children out there who need parents? Why not just find one who’s already here looking for love, a home, a family? No. We will adopt. End of story.

My husband had one simple thing to say and that was it. My never turned into okay, I’ll do it. Just like that. He wanted a child from him. From his DNA. He wanted a child to look like him. He knew that my reach for adoption would have been the world! No color, race, ethnicity was off the table. But that wasn’t for him. And I respected that. In just a moment, my adamant desire was relinquished and we were heading into fertility testing.

Forever etched into my mind is the symbol at the bottom of my long list of tests, numbers, and foreign vocabulary.

< .01

Do you see what that says? Less than 1%. These were our chances for conceiving a baby through natural methods. Ha! It was laughable; however, I don’t recall laughing. We certainly knew it would be low, but this was ridiculous! What the hell do we do now?

We look at the options. And we look at them from the least to the most invasive. All the least invasive were skipped over quickly. My eggs were goners. I was 42. No shocker there. So, trying to pump my body with medication to get my eggs to wake up and do their job was futile. Again, we were given the percentages and they sucked. In addition, Jeff’s sperm count was inconsistent. Not bad. Not really the problem at hand. Just not steady enough to pick up the slack.

Our very best chance was In Vitro Fertilization with a Donor Egg. And even with that, our chance for conceiving was only 60%. But by the time we went through all our other options, ranging from 20%-50%, this one was looking damn good! It was going to cost us about $15,000. It was going to involve a great deal of time, patience, pain, and emotional upheaval. It would be the biggest and most daunting adventure of our lives. But it would work. I knew it would.  That certainty was my light at the end of the tunnel.

And Emma Grace is the light of our lives.

behind the scenes
Emma at about 4 months. One of my very favorite photos.

 

Be Thankful Anyway

Be Thankful Anyway…

If I’m going to listen to anyone, it ought to be Mother Theresa. This day could find me feeling really sorry for myself.

My daughter is sick. She’s been sick for over a month now. A few days after we took her to the doctor, she actually got worse. She’ll be going back to the doctor tomorrow.

My husband is recovering from a back spasm. He literally couldn’t move Monday morning and was in bed for two days. He’s up and about now, but certainly not back to normal.

My in-laws can’t come here for Thanksgiving because my daughter is sick. My father in law is recovering from pneumonia and of course, his health can’t be compromised.

I am completely exhausted after having been on duty 24/7 since Monday morning. It’s what a mother does. It doesn’t matter to me what we do today. In fact, I think that turkey in the fridge should go to a homeless shelter.

This can be just like any other day, in my opinion. Any other day, I would be thankful anyway. And I am reminded of Mother Theresa’s suggestions.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

            If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

            If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

           If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

            What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

            If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

            The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

         Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

         In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.